Cobson: I'm bored
Speaker: *Falls from the sky* I am giving away soy island. It has a funko pop emporium, a bbc parlor, a world class soylent swimming pool, and more.
Neutralplier: A man once wanted to sell me an island before and I didn't take it tfw, so I would please have this island.
Squirrel: nigga it's mine
Chud: I could start the ethnostate there, give it to me
Speaker: ENOUGH!. We will have a competition for it. This is Battle for soy island.
*Theme song plays*
Speaker: Squirrel, science, cobson, Neutralplier, impjak, chud. You will form the Washington Gemeralds
Science: tubular!
impjak: Cøøl
Speaker: Ferral, Baby, A24, classic, Kuz, Tony. You will form the Coal Crackers.
baby: *soob* *soob*
Kuz: They do not extradite? I would much like to host my servers for glorious Kolyma Network there
Speaker: every episode there will be a competition, and the viewers will vote one player off. Today's competition is tug of war
A24: so it is a slow burn drama like survivor? Cool
*everyone walks on to the platform, camera shifts to the struggling gemeralds*
Chud: You guys pull weaker than a tranny
Neutralplier: Sorry I'm trying my best when I was in gym class I couldn't climb up the rope and I ended up with a B- in the class and it kind of upset me so now I don't like ropes
Science: according to fauci's theorem, the mechanical advantage of the tension on the rope should be...
Squirrel: Nigga shut up. 
*squirrel grips the ropes with his teeth, giving their team the edge*
*Camera cut to the coal crackers*
Classic: This is kind of like the one mario party minigame I play on my nintendo switch
Tony: We need some more muscle over here. We're starting to lose.
baby: *soob*
Ferral: You VVILL PULL ZE ROPE
Kuz: it is lost cause. We have literal baby on our team
Baby: *Starts sucking his pacifier more aggressively* *SOOB* *SOOB* *SOOB* *pulls the other team into the water*
Cobson: It's over
Speaker: The coal crackers have won. Please vote for one member of the washington gemeralds to kick off.